just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
