he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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