So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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