tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
