when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
