what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
