I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
