Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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