sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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