Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Boobs speak an international language.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
