Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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