some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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