mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i now understand why vodka
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
