It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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