The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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