we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
