the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
