Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal