and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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