The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.