Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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