I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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