She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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