so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
