Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
