he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
