So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
