it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
