Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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