the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
