awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
