I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
