Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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