the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
