SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
