Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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