He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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