ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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