Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
