ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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