Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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