Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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