Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
