dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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