ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
