wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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