This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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