i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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