four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
