the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
