dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
