i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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