I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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