Your face is a jimmy john
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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