why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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