We named our party play list daddy issues
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
