I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
