too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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