Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Randomize
