xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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