imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
