i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
