Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
