like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
