Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if only i could text you this smell
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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