Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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