paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
