I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
