we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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