kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
