the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
