Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
